


Ice Box

by SavoyPills



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Humour, Love, Mental Instability, Smut, Violence, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-03 02:21:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17275292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavoyPills/pseuds/SavoyPills
Summary: When Holly captures a strange pod floating through space, what are the chances this changes the Dwarfer's lives forever...Ah yes, the 80's. a time of good music, questionable fashion choices and the space-race. In a desperate bid to launch themselves years ahead of the Soviet Union, America partnered up with the UK, training up one of their best and brightest students of Oxford University in NASA, 25 year-old Alex was trained alongside distinguished astronauts for a top secret launch. The Cryogenics Department had done their tests on chimps, and now ready for a larger subject. Alex was strapped into the pod on the 31st of October, the team made the final checks before activating the cryogenic system and the pod saluted as it blasted off into space to search for new life among the stars where it would drift for an eternity.





	1. ONE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crew

3,000,000 years and a bit later

"Lister... Lister?" The somewhat irritated hologram said as he looked over his snoring bunk-mate. He had his arms crossed and foot tapping with growing impatience. The hologram took a deep breath. "LISTER!"  
"WOA-OOF!" Lister screamed, jumping so violently, he fell from the top bunk in a flailing hurricane of arms. His hands desperately searched for something to grab onto as he tumbled to the floor, arms passing through Rimmer, who was glad he hadn't switched over to hardlight mode just yet, lest he wanted to have his jaw forcefully unhinged. He looked down upon Lister with an unimpressed expression. "Jesus Christ... how pathetic, if you'd just woken up when I said your name, this wouldn't have happened..." He said in a nasally berating tone. Lister winced as he tried to pull himself up.  
"Smeg! I think I've cracked a rib!" He wheezed. Rimmer rolled his eyes.  
"You're fine. now get up, Kryten said he needs us in the Drive Room, apparently, he and Holly has something to tell us... why they couldn't just tell me and I tell you, I don't know. " He said, turning on his heel and marching out. Lister pulled a face and made a purposefully poor imitation of Rimmers 'special' salute. Rimmer had interrupted a brilliant dream, one involving him and Kochanski, his long-kept love. Yet begrudgingly, he pulled himself up and went to see what all the fuss was about.

Kryten paced up and down in the Drive Room with an anxious look on his face while Holly had her own concerned expression on her screen. Even the skutters were whizzing about the floor with a nervous excitement. The Cat however, sat on a chair with a disinterested look, leaning his head on a personal pillow he kept in his suit jacket. Despite the high emotions the computers displayed, he seemed rather bored. Rimmer arrived in the doorway, Lister soon following behind him. When Kryten turned around to pace the other way, he noticed the two confused technicians standing there blankly. "Oh Sirs!" He exclaimed, his hands shaking. "I have some huge news to tell you!" He declared. Rimmer sighed.  
"What Kryten? Get on with it, I've got Astro-Navs revision to do and if I don't know terminal velocities, masses and volumes and smegging quasi-schematics by next week, I'm going to bloody fail!"  
"Yes, because that would be a surprise..." The Cat muttered sarcastically. Rimmer glared at him, mouth open and ready to argue when Kryten cut in.  
"Sirs! Now is no time to bicker, this is big news! This will immediately affect how we live on this ship!"  
"What is it?" Rimmer said. "Aliens?"  
"Holly, if you'd do the honours..." The android said. Holly turned around on the screen, facing the crew.  
"Well basically, while everyone was asleep last night, I managed to capture a stray cryogenic life-pod. I've been keeping it in quarantine bay 5, there was some nasty space fungus growing on it. It should be sterile and safe by dinner-time, then we can have a look inside." She said. Lister frowned.  
"Do you know if anything's even in there?" He asked, Holly nodded her head.  
"There's definitely something in there, but that's all my sensors can pick up, the pod's made out of some pretty thick lead, probably to protect whatever's inside from space-radiation." She answered.  
"Do you know where it comes from, could it be aliens?" Rimmer said, growing excited yet worried. He always had such an intrigue for something considered extra-terrestrial, yet whenever he came close to meeting one, he'd get extremely uncomfortable and even scared. Holly just shook her digital head. "No, judging by some markings on the pod, it appears to come from Earth, the design suggesting late 20th century."  
"Wow... the 20th century? That means the pod's been floating around in deep space for over 3 million smegging years..." He breathed. Kryten also chipped in.  
"Yes sir, I am also suprised, probability dictates that life-pod should have drifted into the nearest sun or black-hole years ago, the chance that it's here today is conceivable. The odds are too vast to fathom!" He said.  
"Eh, it's probably just monkeys though, right? I mean, that's what they used to do in the space-programs, innit? Blast monkeys off rather than risk a human life?"  
"Yes, that was a phase of early space travel..." Rimmer acknowledged. He was wired with nerves and dinner seemed to be several years away rather than just ten hours. He didn't know if he could wait that long. this was the most exciting thing to happen to them in deep space since they met Legion and he became hardlight. Cat didn't share the enthusiasm. "Monkeys?" He said in outrage. "Monkeys? Why can't it be a beautiful cat babe who will fall instantly in love with me?"  
"Smeg cat babes, what if it's Kochanski? What if it's her from another dimension and she managed to get herself frozen?" Lister said, getting excited. Rimmer rolled his eyes for the second time that morning.  
"Oh what if it's another android?" Kryten said, bouncing up and down from joy. Everyone stopped and looked at him quietly as he squirmed with embarrassment. "Yes I realise that was a stupid question..." He said with some shame. Holly decided to step in before the boys got too giddy. "Well, no matter what's in there, we won't know until 7 pm, so I suggest we all try to calm down and get on with our day..." She said before pausing. "Hang on, how does our day usually go?" She asked. Lister chuckled.  
"Well, usually something will go wrong, like we get attacked by GELF's or simulant's and somehow manage to defeat them and live happily ever after, or nothing will happen all day until it's time to open the pod and it turns out that whatever's in there tries to kill us."  
"Then I say we blast the thing back into space and skip the attack." The craven hologram declared. Lister shot him a look.  
"You what? We can't do that! Could you live with yourself if that turned out to be another human in there?" He said. Rimmer raised an eyebrow, ready to reveal his smart-arse comment.  
"Well, considering the fact that I'm no longer among the living, I'd find it rather difficult to live with myself... I could however be dead with myself quite comfortably." He said smugly. Lister shook his head.  
"You're such a weasel Rimmer..." He said dismissively. Cat jumped in.  
"Hamster Cheeks is right!" He agreed, glad for any excuse to pick on Goal-Post Head. "You are a weasel!" He said. Rimmer smiled softly, as he always did when he was being insulted.  
"Very well, but if that pod turns out to hold some demented life-form with murderous intent, you can find your own hiding place me'laddo." He said with finality, marching out.

Around half six, Lister had found Rimmer in Corridor 36 B, doing something which Kryten had once coined the phrase 'Rimmering' for. The word 'Rimmering' meant doing something considered mundane, petty or arduous yet taking it extremely seriously and regarding it as something of utmost importance. Tracking the corridor lines of the ship and seeing how scuffed and worn they were could definitely be classed as Rimmering.  
"Hey Rimmer... whatcha doing there?"  
"Something really important, what do you want?" He said, slightly moody.  
"Well, it's half-past, I was thinking we should hit up dispenser 48 and get some food before Holly opens up that pod..."  
"Dispenser 48? Isn't that Taiwan Tony, the dispenser with the horrendously offensive accent that sounds nothing like a Taiwanese person?" He said frowning.  
"Yep, that's the one."  
"Well, I don't really need to eat, being a hologram... he does make some good noodles though..."  
"Yeah, come on."  
"I'm worried though Lister."  
"About the pod?"  
"What else? What if it does turn out to be an evil monster, like every other time?"  
"Eh so what? Nothing we ain't been through before, besides, probably is just monkeys... what if it is a human though, what if it's a girl."  
"Please, you know how improbably that is... 3 million years into deep space makes the odds of finding any human who's alive and not dying highly unlikely, and half those odds by saying we find a woman."  
"You're right, it will be the same as it always is, so let's go see who or what wants to enslave us, kill us or sell us." Lister sighed.  
"Well..." Rimmer said, raising an eyebrow.

Krten, Lister, Rimmer and the cat watched from behind the quarantine observation window, peering through cautiously. The pods cryogenic system had been disengaged and the ice melted away. The lid propped open with a click as white smoke billowed out from the sides, like dry ice had been dropped into a bucket of water. Everyone was extremely nervous as they watched closely, not daring to make a sound as if it could shatter the world into tiny shards of glass and cut them. They stared on intensely for five minutes, but nothing happened. Rimmer turned to everyone with a mixture of disappointment and relief on his features, ready to say something until a noise from the quarantine room drew their attention to the pod once again. It's lid had fallen to floor, almost like it had been pushed. A dainty hand rest on the side, protruding from the smoke like the periscope of a submarine. It was a human hand, long and shiny black nails and several small rings. The crew watched on, eager to find out whom this hand belonged to. They saw it strain and try to pull itself up but give away and go limp. Rimmer frowned. "I think they need help!" He said, rushing in.


	2. AN

This is a continuous story, however, intervening ones-shots may occur because, why not? You can feel free to comment your Rimmer one-shot ideas and I'll try to write them, however you can tell me your ideas more privately  
if you wish by messaging me on Instagram by the account with the username ' human_trash_jpeg ' with the name Cheese Slut and profile pic of Chris Barrie pulling a face which I can only describe as magnificent...

Enjoy ~ Savoy

P.S : This will probably get fucked up, I won't lie


	3. TWO

Alex woke up with a deep gasp. Breathing hurt slightly, the feeling of oxygen filling up her lungs was something her body should have been used to, but it wasn't. She felt like a very old machine being turned on again after years of disuse, hinges whining and moaning. When she opened her eyes, she couldn't see anything. All she could see was white, all around, just pure white, like being wrapped in cotton. She reached a hand out through the blankness and grabbed onto something. Trying to orient herself, she held on. Sometimes, when you wake up from a deep slumber, you can't remember anything. It only lasts about a split second before it comes back. It came back a little more slowly for Alex. At first she knew nothing, then her name, her family, then her friends and her job. Her job, she remembered her mission, the last moments before her world froze over. It all felt like a fever dream but she knew better. She stiffened. The mission to find new life among the stars. What had awoken her? She tried to pull herself up but fell back down, her muscles too weak. She figured once she was warm and had some food that everything would work again. The testing chimps always seemed fine afterwards. How long had she been out for? Suddenly she heard something slide open a shut, and hurried footsteps. She remained still, worried about what was on the other side of that smoke barrier. She gritted her teeth and shut her eyes as she felt arms hook around her waist and pull her up. She wanted to cry, she was so scared and there was no telling what strange creature held her. But she had to open her eyes, she couldn't cower forever. She opened them.

There was a man. A human man, not an alien. He wore some sort of official uniform, neatly pressed and some sort of green sheen to the blue tunic styled jacket. She took in his features. His large brown eyes looked at her with a mix of emotion, shock, fear, worry and wonder, his mouth slightly open and eyebrows furrowed. There was a scar on his jawline, a prominent nose and perhaps the most odd, a glinting blue letter H on his forehead. She frowned, had her pod been picked up by a space station? She didn't recognises this man to be one of her co-workers, she grew tense. Was this man a Russian? Why did he have an H on his forehead? She cleared her throat uncertainly. "Priv- Privet?" She said, her throat dry and raspy. The man's eyes widened before he frowned, clearly confused. Her Russian was a little rusty after all. Alex cleared her throat again, more forcefully this time. "Vi Russkiy, da?" She asked. The man stepped back with a scowl, turning back to face three other men she had not yet noticed.   
"Lister, we've got a smegging commie!" He said in an annoyed, very middle class London tone, apparently addressing a man with long dreadlocks who wore all leather.  
"You what?" Said the man with the dreads in a heavy Scouse accent. Alex sat up with her eyebrows furrowed, looking at the other two men who stood beside the man known as Lister. There was a man in odd metal armour with a face which looked like it had been horrifically scarred and a black man in a sharp suit with immaculately groomed hair and winged eyeliner. What sort of space station was this? What sort of rag-tag team had she been picked up by, with such different fashion choices? She thought everyone was required to wear a uniform. She was in her one. The sharply dressed man seemed to be looking right at her, smiling widely, revealing peculiar canines, like a vampires. "Hi." They mouthed, wiggling their fingers. The man with H on his head was still talking however.  
"A Commie. Lister! A Russian! Just our luck to get lugged with Ruby the Red over here!" He moaned. She coughed loudly to gain attention.  
"The name's Alex, actually..." She said in English, showing off a rather well-spoken British accent, yet a tinge of estuary dialect coming through. It was hard to tell whether she had trained herself to speak like that or just naturally did so. "I'm not a Russian..." She said casually while the men looked slightly shocked, and the man with the H, slightly peeved.  
"What the smeg?" Lister breathed, Alex frowned.  
"What the fuck is a smeg?"  
"What the smeg is a fuck?"  
"A fuck is just a fuck..."  
"And a smeg is just a smeg..."  
"Right..." She trailed off, very perplexed about the general situation. "Where am I?" She asked. The man with the face like a burn victim stepped in and spoke in a polite Canadian accent.  
"You are on the Jupiter Mining Corporation’s mining ship Red Dwarf ma'am, and we are all in the very far reaches of deep space!"  
"I thought the British didn't have a space program, and deep space? How long have I been packed in ice?"  
"Well, that calculation would be very easy ma'am, say, what year were you frozen?"  
"1985..."  
"Well then, by my calculations, you've been in that pod for... 3,000,318 years..." He said, working it out. Alex froze.  
"I'm sorry, what?" She said. It just couldn't be true, she must have misheard him, or she was the victim of a very cruel, practical joke. The man said the same number again and she wore a hollow expression. Three million years. That was such a long time to be gone, indescribable even, like she had gone for a nap and awoken to the fact that her entire family was dead. And her friends. Everyone she ever knew. Gone. It felt so oddly impersonal, like she was watching the events unfold from a different body and a different mind. And yet, it crashed down upon her mind like a building, making the whole universe feel too small, claustrophobic and too big at the same time. And nothing mattered. The feeling of all this new information, the realisations that came, it was all too much and she felt like she couldn't breathe, like her lungs were trapped in an iron vice that was getting tighter. She turned to the disfigured man. "I think... I think I'd like to be left alone..." She said in a shaky voice that was about to break. He nodded and ushered the others away.


	4. THREE

"A human, Rimmer... an actual human..." Lister kept repeating as he lay on the top bunk. Rimmer just lay in his own bed underneath, staring at the bottom of the bunk above.  
"Yes..." Was all he could contribute to the conversation. He had a whole manner of different emotions right now, whirling in his head like a tornado. While he was incredibly relieved the pod turned out not to contain a homicidal maniac, he was a little disappointed that he didn't get to be all smug about being right, because he had been wrong. But there was something else too, excitement, excitement over the prospect of having someone else aboard the ship, someone other than the man whose socks could be classed as a living organism, said mans stupid and vain cat-person friend, or the anxious mechanoid with a head like a chewed rubber-tip pencil. And this same person happened to be a woman. He knew he wouldn't have a chance with her, she was beautiful, curvy, tanned with long brown hair, gorgeous green eyes with specks of brown, a perky nose and full lips. Her cheekbones sharp and jawline strong. She was probably extremely smart as well, they didn't fire any old chump into space in the 20th century. However, first impressions matter, he had Kryten cleaning the ship, making it nice and welcoming for when she was ready to come out of quarantine. He thought to himself. She was probably hungry after all this time and ever since he became hardlight, he had a much easier time improving his cooking skills, so he was far past dumplings that could double as bouncy balls and severely over-cooked lamb. 

Kryten was mopping the floors vigorously with a spring in his step, he too was excited, not for the same reasons as Rimmer perhaps, but all that extra laundry? All that extra folding? Absolute bliss! However, the girl had been left in quarantine for two hours now, after asking for some time to adjust to this new life. She must have been hungry, and looking down at the half mopped floor, he realised this was no longer a priority. Yet, as if he could sense whenever the mechanoid disobeyed his commands, Rimmer came stalking around the corner. "Kryten, what on Earth do you think you're doing? Get back to work. we don't want our guest to be greeted with half mopped halls, what kind of impression would that give?"  
"But sir... ou-"  
"Don't interrupt. I'm on a tight schedule, I've got to go to the kitchen."  
"Why?"  
"Because she's probably hungry Kryten and I'm making her dinner..." Rimmer said, shaking his head. Kryten smiled to the best of his ability.   
"Ah, what are you making?"  
"Nothing special, I'm cooking up a Spanish omelette and some nachos, some pudding as well..."  
"Okay sir..." Kryten said, picking up the mop again. He watched him walk off. This was highly irregular, Rimmer making dinner for someone other than himself, that was acting out of character, but he could understand why. Rimmer had a lousy sex-life at the best of times and most people found his personality innately unlikable, maybe even unlovable, he could see why he was desperate to make a good impression upon their guest. 

*

Alex sat up on the quarantine bed, face stiff with dry tears and flicking through a stray magazine with slight interest. She'd had a quick nap after crying and had just woken up a few minutes ago, already bored and hungry when the man with the H on his head walked in. She got up, turning to face him. "Hello?" She said.   
"Hi..." The man said awkwardly. He placed a tray down on the table, it was covered however. Something smelled good. The two just stood there silently for a moment before the man shook his head and pulled a face. "God, I'm sorry, where are my manners? My name's Arnold, but everyone calls me Rimmer..." He said. He wasn't going to tell her to call him 'big man' like he usually told new people.   
"I'm Alex... why do they call you Rimmer if your name's Arnold?" She asked.  
"Oh, it's my last name..." He said, then clearing his throat. "I'm sure you're hungry, aren't you?"  
"Oh yes, famished!" She said, Rimmer smiled as he took the tray cover off.   
"I made you some dinner. Careful though, it's hot." He said. Alex took the tray and sat at the table, looking over this glorious food before back up at Rimmer.  
"It smells delicious... thank you." She said, truly grateful.  
"It's okay, enjoy..." He said, going to leave.  
"Wait, Rimmer..."  
"Yes?"  
"Can you stay a while, it's just, I have a lot of questions..." She admitted. Rimmer smiled and sat down with her.   
"Well, ask away..."  
"Who are the others? Whose that man who..."  
"Looks like a novelty condom?" He finished and Alex smiled a little cheekily while nodding. "That's Kryten, he's a service droid, a robot who cooks and cleans..."  
"Like a slave?" Alex said. Rimmer stuttered a small bit.  
"Well, he, he likes cleaning and such, he enjoys it."  
"Oh..." Was all Alex had to say. "Who's the man in the leather?"  
"Lister, he's my bunkmate, he's an utter smeghead though, you won't like him." He said, though Alex didn't feel inclined to take his word on that, she would rather find out for herself.  
"And the man with the fangs?"  
"That's the cat..."  
"Cat?" She said, pulling a face. The man didn't look anything like a cat.  
"Well, you know how we evolved from apes?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Well, he evolved from cats... it has been three million years after all..." Rimmer shrugged. Alex nodded, almost sadly and he sighed. "I know it's a lot to take in... the full realisation never hit me until the mail pod caught up and I got a letter from my mum... she told me my dad had died."  
"Oh Rimmer... I'm so sorry..."  
"It's fine, he was a miserable old bastard anyway and it turned out, he wasn't even my dad..." He said. Alex seemed shocked.  
"Oh, wow..." She wasn't quite sure what to say to that, Rimmer picked up on her slight discomfort and continued.  
"But the letter made me realise that of course he was dead, everyone I really knew was dead, except Lister of course..."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Lister and me, we come from the 23rd century, but there was an accident and everyone on this ship died, except Lister and his pregnant cat. Lister was in stasis, so he was unaffected, and the cat was sealed in the hold, safe from the radioactive wave..."  
"Hmm, but if everyone died except Lister and a cat, how are you here, did you forget yourself?" She chuckled. It was Rimmers turn to be uncomfortable.   
"Well, actually Alex, I have something to tell you..." 

He was about to explain everything before a sudden jolt sent them both flying.


	5. FOUR

"What the fuck was that?" Alex hissed, getting up from the floor, wincing. Rimmer stood up quickly.  
"I don't know, it could have been an asteroid."  
"You mean to tell me that things like that just happen? With no warning?"  
"Well, our computer isn't exactly top of the range..." He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. The food had been flung every which way, much to the dismay of both of them. Rimmer groaned. "Oh no, I made that for you!"  
"It's okay Rimmer..."  
"No it's not, you're hungry..."  
"Don't worry, is there any other food?"  
"We have the vending machines... but I made that specifically for you!"  
"I'm sure it was lovely Rimmer, but we can't do anything about it, there's no need to get so worked up!" She said, almost laughing at him. She rubbed his back consolingly. "You soppy thing... come on." She said. Rimmer was still vexed but ultimately, it subsided as he managed to calm down a bit. This man was rather uptight, it was almost like he blamed himself for the asteroid hitting the ship and ruining dinner. "Alright then... I guess I'll show you to the nearest vending machine then..." He said, Alex smiled at him.  
"Thanks, I'll make sure to eat it before the next asteroid comes." She joked.  
"Yes... you know, if that happened to Lister, he would have just eaten it off the floor!"  
"What? No way!" Alex giggled.  
"Yes way, the boy's maladjusted.”  
"Anyway, what were you saying, before the incident?"  
"Oh, what was I saying?" He said, almost like he was ashamed of something, he was fiddling with his hair, trying to pull it over the H. She had to know.  
"What does that H mean, why is it there?" She asked. Rimmer was surprised with her boldness.  
"It means, it means Hologram."  
"Why?"  
"Because I'm a hologram... I'm dead." He said simply.  
"I'm sorry, but you're having a giggle... holograms are 2D and made of light... how can I touch you?" She said.  
"May I remind you that we are 3 million years into the future, technology isn't what it used to be... you don't believe me? Look!" He said, putting a hand on his stomach. Alex watched in horror as it went through and Rimmer completely disappeared, only leaving a small object spinning on the floor. Within a second, Rimmer had re-materialised in front of her. Fear made her step back, but curiosity had her step back in. She put a hand on his chest and push slightly. It was pretty solid and she gasped, looking up into his eyes. "Incredible..." She breathed, Rimmer looked down and she felt a small wave of sadness. "You hate it, don't you?"  
"Well, would you like being dead?" He said softly, Alex shook her head.  
"I guess not... but at least you can still touch things..."  
"Yeah, it wasn't always like that though, I used to be softlight, so someone could put their hand right through me, but then we met this alien named Legion who gave me the technology to be hardlight. It's almost like being alive, but not the same, and I still have this stupid H stuck to my head."  
"Eh, the H looks fine..." Alex said. She was running out of things to say, but they finally reached the vending machine. Rimmer smiled.  
"Ah, here we are..." He said, like he was relieved to have the topic change. "Now, just ask for what you want and enjoy."  
"Anything?"  
"Yeah, this machine can fabricate most things, edible or not... give it a try." He said, almost proudly.   
"Okay... She said, turning to face the machine. "Spanish omelette, nachos and pudding, like Rimmer made..." She commanded. The machine made a funny sound before sliding out a plastic tray with a lid on. She took in and held it in her hands. "I think I want to meet the others..." She said.   
"Your funeral..."

Lister sat on the couch with his legs up, watching an old match of Zero-G Football, a Leopard Larger in hand. Cat was sitting at the table rolling his hair into curlers and Kryten was doing some light dusting. It was almost bed-time and Kryten was getting slightly worried. Rimmer had been gone for a while and he hadn't heard anything on the guest as well, but as if the universe answered his fears, Rimmer and the girl came in. They all looked up, Lister standing. "Hello there..." He said in his accent, a smirk and humorous eyes. Alex smiled shyly, wanting to hide behind Rimmer.  
"Hi..." She said nervously.   
"I'm Lister." He said, holding out a hand. She shook it.  
"Alex. Nice to meet you." She said. She looked at the android. "Hello, you're Kryten then?"  
"Yes, I am the service droid who keeps the whole ship looking spotless, 4000 series you see..." He said smugly, as if those words made much sense to Alex. "Oh, now that you're out of quarantine, you need your own sleeping quarters! I'll just go and prepare next door for you!"  
"Thank you..." She said. The robotic man rushed out. The only one she hadn't spoken to yet was the so called cat, who was watching with interest. He flashed his fangs at her in a big smile.   
"Hiya bud-babe, I'm the Cat, and you're gorgeous!" He said, purring slightly. Alex giggled, sitting down to eat her food.   
"Right..." She said, opening the tray lid and tucking in. The cat eyed it with interest while Rimmer made not-so-subtle gestures towards him.   
"Get away, you stupid moggy, you've had your dinner!" He said, shooing at him. Cat hissed, baring his teeth. Alex scoffed. It seemed so weird, because Cat just looked like a normal human man, minus the teeth and slightly pointed ears, so the fact that he was hissing was kind of funny. The face Rimmer pulled after Cat hissed at him was also funny. Alex couldn't help but laugh aloud which earned a sharp look from both of them. Lister shook his head and sat over with her while Rimmer and the cat continued their little tiff. "Sorry about them, they seem to be forgetting that we have a guest..."  
"Are they usually like this?"  
"Yep. Not many people like Rimmer, he tends to be quite..." He said, trailing off.   
"Abrasive?" Alex suggested.  
"Well, I was gonna describe him as a complete and total smeghead, but I suppose abrasive works too."  
"Hmm, he seems nice, but you don't like him either?" She frowned, taking a few more forkfuls of dinner while Lister spoke.  
"Not really, no... and he's not that nice, the only reason he's here is because Holly brought him back as a hologram to try and keep me sane. Of course, Holly thought that the greater the total amount of words spoken to a person, the more you liked them. Wrong."  
"Blimey... Rimmer told me about some accident and you were in stasis. He didn't really go too in depth with what happened."  
"Oh really?" Lister said, a tone in his voice hinting at the fact that there was more to the story. "How much did he tell you then?"  
"Just something about a radiation problem. Why, what happened?" Alex said. Lister was surely taking advantage of the fact that Rimmer was currently fending off a pissed off Felis Sapien.  
"Well, you'll have to understand that Rimmer and I were the two lowest ranks on the ship. I was a third technician, he was a second technician and we worked in a pair. Our jobs were to make sure the vending machines and dispensers were working."  
"Right..." She said, unsure where he was going with this.  
"I brought a pregnant cat on board, but apparently the captain didn't like that and he said to me, either give the cat up or get punishment time in stasis. If I gave him the cat, he was gonna kill it, so I took the time in stasis."  
"Okay, so you were frozen in time, what does this have to do with what happened?"  
"While I was in stasis, Rimmer was asked to repair the drive room..."  
"But if he was just a vending machine repairman, why was he asked to fix something so important?"  
"I don't know, but he smegged it up and there was a radiation leak... it killed everyone on the ship, including Rimmer..."  
"Jesus... I don't know how to feel about that..." Alex said. "I wish you didn't tell me now..."  
"Well, we do have a machine that can erase memories."  
"That's a thing now?"  
"Yeah, got any memories you wanna erase?"  
"A few." Alex said under her breath, thinking Lister didn't hear. He pretended not to, it sounded private.   
"Alright, it's getting late and I'm probably gonna have to mediate between the H man and Cat before bed, I'll show you to your room." He said. Alex smiled and threw her dinner tray away.  
"Thank you, that's real kind."  
"No problem milady." He said, bowing in a quasi-humorous fashion, causing her to laugh. 

Kryten added the finishing touches to Alex's new room, a small potted plant, a pretty photo-frame of a nebula and a colourful knitted rug. The room was rather nice, clean white sheets on the singular bunk that was positioned above a small work-desk. He had done some rummaging and managed to find several sets of clothes he believed would fit her at least semi-perfectly. She couldn't be expected to just wear the one set on her back for the rest of her time here. He had found her three sets of pyjamas, a weeks worth of undergarments, three plain grey boiler suits and plain black t-shirts and lastly a pair of clunky black boots and a pair of white canvas sneakers. All in all, some amazing finds, though he would be sure to keep an eye out for anything else she could wear. As if on cue, the door slid open as Alex and Lister walked in. Kryten stood up straight. "Oh, ma'am, I just finished preparing your room, what extraordinary timing!" He gushed. Alex smiled brightly.  
"Oh my god! Thank you, I love it!" She said, marching over to the bed and pulling herself up onto it. It was incredibly comfy and she took a deep breath, smelling the white cotton. It smelled like washing powder. Kryten looked proud. "Aren't you going to look in the wardrobe ma'am?" He said with a wink. She jumped down from the bed and trotted to the closet, flinging the doors open. She ran over and hugged the big metal man. "You're a star Krytie! A star!" She said. Kryten seemed unsure what to make of this. Mechanoids aren't used to being hugged, he was used to being scolded and having harsh remarks made about his head. If he was capable of blushing, he would. "Why, thank you ma'am. I suppose I and Mr Lister here should give you some privacy. Goodnight." He said.  
"G'night..." Lister said with a joking salute and they both left her in peace. Alex smiled to herself, picking out some pyjamas from the closet. Of all places in deep space... she was glad to have found Red Dwarf.


	6. FIVE

Considering the fact that she had been frozen for several ages, Alex was surprised at how long she had slept that night. She had gone to bed around ten and now it was nine. That was eleven whole hours she had been conked out for and she still felt tired. She sat up in her bunk with a stretch, hearing one or two joints clicking as she did so. The whole thing felt like a dream. The NASA mission, being found by four men, well, two men, a cat and a mechanoid... she half expected to wake up in her own room back home, but when she opened her eyes, she was met with the sparsely decorated bunk-room on the beat up old mining ship, the vast expanse of deep space peeking through her window. She yawned, hopping down from the bunk and looking through the thick re-enforced glass. The view was stunning, all those stars, planets and moons. She had to wonder, would she ever find a way back home, or was this going to be the rest of her life now? 

"Alex?" A voice behind her said, she turned around to see Rimmer standing there with a food tray.  
"Oh, hello..." She said, walking over to him. She gazed at him inquisitively.  
"Holly, um, tells me that this part of space is particularly asteroid free." He said awkwardly, making a small gesture with the food tray. "I've been trying to get better at cooking lately... I made waffles?" He offered, setting them down on her rooms small metal dining set. Alex still looked at him. "I guess, I'll be off then..." He mumbled dejectedly before Alex seemed to snap out of whatever fixation she was in.  
"No, sorry, please stay." She said, shaking her head like her brain had glitched, she feared she had come off a little rude. She pulled up a chair and invited Rimmer to sit with her. He gladly took the invitation, joining her at the table. "I don't what came over me there, sorry."  
"It's quite alright, no worries." He said, she smiled softly. "I figured you might be hungry, so... breakfast..." He said, looking down at the tray. He pulled the lid off revealing a large stack of waffles, covered in syrup, cream and raspberries. Alex frowned but her eyes were wide. "What, is there something wrong?" He asked, growing worried.  
"No... it's just... there's so many there, I can't eat all of these!"  
"Smeg, sorry, I-" He began, but she cut him off.  
"You'll have to help me..." She said, cutting off a piece, using it to scoop up some cream and putting the fork towards his face. "Open up." She cooed jokingly. Rimmer went slightly red. He just took the fork from her, not quite enjoying the idea of being spoon-fed. Alex didn't take offence, but just found it funny, laughing slightly. Despite what Lister had said, she decided that she liked him. Maybe he rubbed other people up the wrong way, but to her, he seemed okay. Sweet even. "Aw, no fun!" She joked, causing him to roll his eyes. While Alex decided she liked him, Rimmer was more uncertain. Something told him that he would either love her or hate her, but for now, it was too early to tell. Suddenly, the girl got serious really quickly and Rimmer was instantly concerned. "Lister told me about what happened... before..."  
"What do you mean?" He asked cautiously.  
"He told me what caused the accident..." She said. Rimmer choked on his waffle and Alex was quick to pat him on the back. "Careful!"  
"Don't tell me to be careful after saying that!" He spluttered. There was a long pause, but with a heavy sigh, he looked back up at her with a guilty expression. "Yes, I know what happened, I don't know how though, I done a good job..." He lied. Alex just scoffed, not believing it for one second.  
"No you didn't..." She said almost playfully, like the idea of accidentally killing the entire crew was trivial. "You were just a second technician, why did they ask you to fix the drive plate?"  
"I don't know, maybe they saw something great in me..." He said, his pomposity acting up.  
"Somehow I find that hard to believe..." She said, earning a pointed look. "Either way, they shouldn't have asked you, even if they did think you could do it. Any second technician would have been in way over their head, even first technicians wouldn't be able to do it. Drive plate problems are the engineer’s job. Their fault, not yours." She said simply.  
"You're the first person to see it that way."  
"Maybe so... are the others up yet or is it just you?"   
"Well, it's 9 am, so Lister and the cat are definitely still asleep... Kryten will probably using his downtime to catch up on that god awful show 'Androids' again."  
"What kind of show is that?"  
"Some dull soap."  
"Ugh.." She groaned in disgust. "Soaps still exist? I thought everyone would have finally come to their senses by now..."  
"Yes, when we were still on Earth, we had this mind-numbing show called Southenders... it was set in this horrible little sea-side town full of troglodytes..." He started. Alex gave him sharp look.  
"Hey, don't knock Southend..." She said, her 'proper' way of speaking subsiding a little, that estuary accent strengthening. Rimmers eyes lit up and mouth opened with shock, corners turning up a little.  
"What? No way..." He gasped. "You're from Southend? You?" He chuckled. Alex just glared at him.  
"I find it hard to see why that's so amusing..." She said, then frowning. "Where are you from then?" She asked. Rimmer stopped laughing and became introspective.  
"Well, I was born in Germany..." He said.  
"You're German? You don't sound German..."  
"My parents were English, they just happened to be in Germany at the time. I spent a lot of time on Mimas, Lo, Saturn, Titan... in a way, I don't actually know where to place myself..."  
"Those are all planets!"  
"Yep, the human race had come far..."  
"Hmm, and Lister, he sounds Northern, is he a Geordie?"  
"Close, he's a Scouser, Liverpool. The cat's from Red Dwarf, they were all born on this ship."  
"Christ, what happened to the other cats?"  
"A lot were killed in wars. Holy wars, over some goit called Cloister the Stupid, otherwise known as Lister. He was their god the lucky bastard..."  
"That's fucked up. I bet he knows how Jesus feels." She said. She looked down at the waffles. All gone. They must have been eating on auto pilot while they were 'waffling' on. Alex hid a grin at her waffle pun. Sure, it wasn't very funny, but she enjoyed it.


End file.
